Vulnerability

I was happy, nervous and terrified on my wedding day. I was so used to hiding myself that I wondered how I would unravel the pieces of me that I’d wrapped up for so long. I wish I could tell you that I’d figured it all out by the time I walked down the aisle – but I hadn’t. I’d shared some of my story with my husband and I had begun the process of addressing my pains and healing, but there was a lot I wasn’t sure about. Even on this day I wondered, “can I really let myself go with him? Would he really accept me?” But it’s amazing when you open yourself up, confront what plagues you have and allow God to continue working in you.  But, what I didn’t realize was that, when the right person comes into your life, they can bring healing to those places that sometimes you wouldn’t have addressed on your own. The desire to have a healthy, loving relationship propelled, and continues to propel, me past my fears. I wanted to be vulnerable and free, although it was what I had desperately been afraid of because of past hurts.  I thought I was protecting myself by not being vulnerable to others, but in reality, I was preventing myself from being truly happy. It’s a daily process and I continue to unravel pieces of myself, but I understand that to be known by another human being is one of the most terrifying yet liberating things God has allowed us to experience in this life.

Don’t allow a painful past to rob you of the joy and love in this life – you made it through it – broken, torn apart, confused, ashamed, but you made it. Now give yourself permission to live, to love and to be loved.

What You Don’t Address Will Continue To Manifest

I can recall feeling like I was making the same silly decisions and I wondered, “how did I end up here again?” I had to realize that it was because I hadn’t addressed some underlying issues in my life. Sure, I was good on paper and I looked fine, but inside was another story. Some of you know what I’m talking about. It’s like a house; we lightly touch up areas, sweep stuff into corners, and throw stuff in a closet. It’s just tidy enough to give the impression that the areas are clean, but if someone were to open the closet, move the sofa, or go into “that” room, they would clearly see that there is a mess. We try to do that same thing about our issues, hurts and pains. We’re afraid to confront them or don’t want to admit the pain, so we stuff them into a closet and sweep it under the rug- really believing that will fix it. But like any mess, what you don’t deal with in your hearth will only continue to manifest. It will show up in how you respond to situations, who you choose to date, and put you on an endless cycle of making the same bad decisions. Why? Because you haven’t truly cleaned out your heart, so the residue of the pain has spewed into other areas of your life. You keep “tripping” over the mess you refuse to deal with. If you want to truly be better in certain areas of your life, ask yourself these questions:

  • What hurt, pain or issues haven’t I dealt with?
  • Who am I unwilling to forgive?
  • What negative patterns do I see in my life that need to be corrected?
  • How has my past shaped my perspective? Is that perspective helping me or hurting me?

Your honest answers to those questions will provide insight into the “deep cleaning” you need to do- and for you and for me, it will take time, but the results will be a house, a temple, a heart that is open, bright and ready to receive the best life has yet to offer you.

Wasting Time Living A Lie

We’ve all heard in the news of a person falsely accused of a crime and spending years in a prison for a crime they didn’t commit. Evidence surfaces years, sometimes decades, later that proves their innocence. Can you imagine the pain, the agony, the life, memories and moments missed all because of a mistaken identity?  Unfortunately, it’s no different when we take the terrible experiences, words, and actions in our lives as evidence that we are worthless, and live with shame and mediocrity for countless years. As I mentioned in my first blog, I spent so much time believing I was not worth love because of the things done to me, and it showed up in my dating life. Because of this, I wasted a lot of time with the wrong people. I had to realize that I was worth good things in every area of my life and demand those things of myself and those around me.

So I say to you ladies- do not spend any more time in an emotional prison- you have been set free. The person that you’ve allowed to mistreat you verbally, emotionally, physically – it’s enough. The relationship that you’ve allowed to become a revolving door because you don’t think anyone better will come along- let it go. The things you’ve done that you regret and keep beating yourself up over and over again- it’s time to forgive yourself. You may have done terrible things or terrible things may have been done to you BUT regardless of what has happened, God has proclaimed you as free- and who He sets free from the pain, memories, and past experiences, is free indeed.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe we’re free because we’ve been in an emotional prison so long- and we might feel that we deserve to be in prison for wrongs we’ve done. I want you to know that God does not hold you in prison, people do, but when we ask Him to forgive us, he releases us. It’s that simple. Choose life and freedom today- the door is open to your new beginning.